2004-08-14 - 9:53 PM
Woke up, gamed, went out to breakfast, got a new mouse. It's a wireless, if I get a matching keyboard I can surf from bed.
I just might.
Then Jenny came over. It's been so long since I've lived somewhere habitable, I've sort of forgotten what it's like to have "randomly stop by and hang out" friends. I've only known her for 3 days.
We bonded instantly, in a "holy crap, we have THAT in common too?" Hitchhiker fan. Youth in Revolt fan. Same stuff in general fan. With one glaring exception: She's incredibly energetic. She goes jogging. Gives bear-type hugs, but not the unnerving wrap-her-legs-around-you kind where if her boyfriend were standing behind her, you'd have to give him a "Holy crap, I'm sorry" look in the middle. Like Brittany, affectionate in a just affectionate sort of way. Very intense.
We went out for dinner, and stopped by a coffee shop later. The coffeeshop was a weird experience, I wasn't burned out, it wasn't introvert hell, but I was in some sort of low, and my mannerisms were similar. Andrew started drawing on a peice of paper, she started writing in a little diary she totes around. Then she looked up at me, watched me for a moment as I traced lines across the coffeehouse with my eyes, and asked if I wanted a peice of paper. I said no, she handed me one anyway, and a pen. I didn't want one, but I took them and used them anyway. Maybe I did but didn't know it. Perceptive people that I don't know scare me. Just a little. I should say, they unnerve me, seeing through bubbles the way heat-goggles can see through walls.
So I wrote, and stuffed the peice of paper in my pocket, to be transcribed here later.
Coffeeshop. Open mike. Mind wanders, strange places. Doesn't feel normal. Coffee-scripture on the walls, across from me two middle-aged guys are throwing simpson's trivia questions at eachother. I've road tripped with Billy. I know all the answers. The guitarist is singing "wold horses." Perched on top of a low wall, off in the distance, I see 3 blinking green lights. Wait, two steady ones, a third between them, blinking. They're vertical. I grin, I recognize the pattern. There's a cable modem here. Why, why does that comfort me? Am I really in a mood which... how do I explain... am I really DIScomforted? I'd have to be, for the modem to help. Dave would call it a lull in the quest for self. I'm there, but I'm not.
Disorienting. A lot of small things happened today, but it was all mild, and pleasant, and safe. I haven't been catastrophically stranded, lost, or metaphorically utterly screwed in a while. It's too easy, I'm not suffering, so why am I suffering?
I suspect it's post OS burnout, my system is slowly acclimating to it being vacation, not having a reason to feel emotionally exhausted. My subconscious does it anyway, it's probably habit forming. It probably just sort of seems like the right thing to do.
But I still wish there was something weird, really weird, something glorious and out of nowhere, a homeless man stabbing me in the shoulder with a toothbrush, a car out of gas in a haunted forest, a talking dungbeetle spewing obscenities and deaththreats from the top of a VW bug whizzing past.
Insanity. Normal's good for me, and it's working well, but part of me still misses insanity.
-Alex
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