Last Friday, I went on a tour of the place where I'll most likely be interning this summer. It took 4 hours to get into the base.
It started off easy enough. I was hitching a ride with David, my old OS partner, who was interviewing for the same gig I was (There's two positions, so we weren't in competition or anything). I got an email from the recruiter there, saying for the driver to be sure and bring A)License B)Registration C)Proof of insurance. So we left at about 6:00 (the tour was at 8, and it's an hour and a half away) in the freakin' morning, feelin' all sorts of groovy and mellow about the whole thing. I was prepared for the interview, by which I mean I was wearing long pants and a shirt with honest-to-god-buttons on it, skimming a tech book while he drove. We got there, went into the visitor's center to get a pass...And he didn't have proof of insurance on him. It was his girlfriend's car.This being the Army, there was general anal-retentiveness all around. I was tempted to try and hitchhike in, but God only knows what kind of security flags would be raised if we even attempted that.Ahha, I'd said. I have a plan.Time was ticking, we had 20 minutes to get inside or we'd miss the tour and have to wait around 2 hours and find a way to get into the 10 AM. We hauled ass to a supermarket, and I called Geico and attempted to get them to fax us a copy of the info.The car belongs to David's girlfriend. Turned out she didn't have insurance.Refusing to give up hope, I started macguyvering the situation.Step 1: Call recruiter. Fuck. Step .5, find her phone number. Which was in an email that I had no access to.We asked the Safeway lady if there was any public internet access around, and she kindly pointed us to the public library. However, it being 7:47 in the freakin' morning, the library wasn't open. David ended up calling David's brother, who I gave my login info to, and he searched it out for me (Gmail - my hero). I tried to call Allison (said recruiter), but no luck. Left a messege.We'd missed the 8 AM tour. We could catch the 10, but only if someone with a car and all the required stuff could get in. There was only one thing left to do.I had to call my girlfriend to bail me out.This wasn't something I wanted to do. It wasn't a pride thing, just that she had closed at work the night before, and she was exhausted, and had been having a shitty week. And here I was, about to call her and ask her to wake up at too-goddamn-early-in-the-morning, drive an hour and a half, just so she could drive us through a gate. Her day would start like crap, and it would be all my fault.Still, if I didn't get in, I didn't get the internship. No internship, no buffed-clean-resume, no suave tech jobs after I graduate. If I knew how to drive, and our situations were reversed, I'd do it for her, in a second. In a jiffy (Which, incidentally, I recently learned to be 1 millionth of a second).So I called. "Mrglephmp?" She's so cute when she first wakes up. "I need a favor." "Nhnhnn?" I explained the car thing. And the guy who wouldn't let us in. And the safeway, and the library, and everything else. "I'll be there in a little over an hour. Meet you at the Safeway."Saying I adored her at that moment would be an undercut, it would imply that I don't the rest of the time. I do. I very powerfully do. But moreso at that moment.I gave directions while she was putting clothes on and wandering off to the car. We hung up, and I turned to my brother in arms."Well, what do you want to do now?" He asked, chin on his hands, resting on his ininsured demoncar."Your girlfriend screwed us." I grinned at him. "Mine's savings us. Denny's, on you." Lumberjack slams really do have a healing effect on the soul, as does free refills on the caffeine.Later on, Nikki met us with a half hour to spare before the tour. We bolted to the Visitor's center, the MP looking up with a smirk at the fact I'd brought another driver. She presented her license, registration, and insurance card.The card was 3 days expired. We went on a Friday, it's last valid day was tuesday.I looked at Dave, he looked back. From the depths of "fucked" we had masterfully forrest-gumped our way back to the gates of victory, to which we'd brought the wrong key. I laughed. Not the psychotic break laugh, but you know, the irony laugh. He did too. Nikki claimed her insurance was valid, she just hadn't gotten new cards yet. So the MP called it in for someone to check up on.Clock was ticking, clock was ticking, clock was ticking.A minute before I'm supposed to be wherever the fuck I'm supposed to be, another MP comes in."Here's the deal," he said, standing all tall and proud with a gimpy little "I'm a fucktard" beret on his head."In the state of Arizona it's illegal to drive around without valid proof of financial responsibility... I'm going to have to write you a ticket." The guys in the office, to their credit, knew full well David didn't have insurance either, but kept their mouths shut because G.I. Joe over here had a pen and the military had taught him how to use it. Words and everything. To say Nikki was appalled was an understatement. To say I felt bad about dragging her an hour and a half away from her bed at too-fucking-early-in-the-morning to get a ticket and not even be allowed on base, was an understatement. Somewhere in the back of my head, I was somewhat distressed about not making it to the interview. But not really. It's not like I hadn't tried everything.So we got back in the car, perfect girlfriend all sorts of offended at getting a ticket for 3 days on her card, me telling her I'd pay for the thing, frantically fishing through my pockets for a cigarette for the lady.So we drove home and bitched, and it felt good, but we were both feeling kind of crappy. Then, wonder of wonders, my cellphone rang. Allison, recruiter extraordaire."Hey Alex... Did you make it in? I didn't see you." I mouthed "Allison" to Nikki, who nodded. I launched into the sordid tail of the insurance cards, the safeway and the public library, culminating in getting my girlfriend a $50 ticket for trying to bail me out."Are you on your way back home? If you're not too far, just come back, meet me here," she gave me a corner,"and I'll drive you into the grounds."Nikki, without my saying a word, turned around. Either the cell was on loud, or she's smart like that. I called David, he turned around too.And we got our tours, which were apparently also our interviews.Allison told me the head programmer there needed some assistance (our potential jobs), and wanted good programmers, but needed people with actual personalities.She laughed, "I showed him your resume, and he saw the line, 'Strangest Student Award, Fall 2003'. And he said, 'That's the guy. I can work with this guy.'"I need to send their HR department more detailed info about my work history. It's the military, so they'll probably be doing a background check to make sure I'm a real human being and all, but it sounds like I got the job.After careful thought, consideration, and about a 4 hour nap when we got home, I dug my array of gift certificates out of a drawer and took The Girlfriend(tm) to Outback Steakhouse, in a desperate attampt to average out an ass day. Steak. It cures all. -Alex
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